Because YOU Demanded It!

Anything non-wireless related

Because YOU Demanded It!

Postby Monitr7 » Sat Jan 01, 2005 5:27 am

<cue announcer>
Stumblers and Stumblettes, welcome to the NS Forum WarTard of the Day Year in Re(tard)view!!! With: Monitr7, G8tK33per, and The Others! Now, here’s your host for the time being (unit G8 and Others show up), Monitr7!

/M7 comes on stage to much w00ting and bra-throwing. "Taking the Retards to the Zoo" by the Dead Milkmen plays.

Hey folks, howaya?! G8t’s not here yet, but will arrive later in the show. Something about a girl, green jello, and a midget. (/laughter) But hey; that’s neither here nor there. The Others will be here, too; drunk as hell and, more than likely, in a semi-nude state, for some reason or other. Don’t give him an excuse, people!

/the ladies in the audience go “WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”.

Uh… ooookay. Thanks for coming to the WTOTD Year in Re(tard)view. We’ll be going over some of the best WTOTD segments since it’s inception earlier this year, as well as some other examples of the finest WarTardery in 2004! Unfortunately, we couldn’t get any of the previous victims, I mean tards, I mean guests to come back. Wonder why?

/flashes big media grin and winks. Pulls can of pepper spray out of his shiny green jacket. Mad laughter from the audience. Garbage cans go flying for no apparent reason.

We’ll also be hearing from some of our best forum flamers! How about a few flashbacks to some of their finer moments?

/more w00ting, with artificial limbs and blow-up dolls being thrown around the audience.

/cut to scenes of guest flamers

audit wrote:Get a goddamn clue, you moronic throwback of evolution!


/show audit in the audience, complete with “GIT-R-DONE” t-shirt, spit cup and beer cooler.

Mr. White wrote:I hope you get cancer in your ass.

Cancer.

In your ass.


/show Mr. White at unknown remote location. Mr. White flips off the audience and waves.

wrzwaldo wrote:Hey, fucktard…


/show wrzwaldo backstage, checking out the show’s supply of stun guns.

/cut back to M7, flashing almost jaw-breaking media grin

Ha-ha-HAAAAAAAA! Damn good thing we have these guys around. If G8, Others and I had to do all the verbal insults ourselves, after so many, I’d just start going for the pepper spray and the stun gun right off the get-go! Where’s the comedy in that?

Well, one of our first featured tards showed up in April of 2004. A suggestion was made, some insults were thrown, and a spelling lesson ensued. Roll the film, Ralfus!

/cut to khatfull sequence

Goddamn, that was cool, even though I got mildly smoked on it! Makes me wish I had more pepper spray and batteries for the stun guns at the time. But now, let’s take a trip even further down memory lane. Not only to remember a true tard among tards, but to also remember one of the best and brightest members of the forum, kick-ass mod, and all-around guru]/cut to Blackwave-Citrus exchange[/URL]

/wipes a tear from my eye

Holy shit! Y’know, some of the tards we’ve had on the WTOTD show have been real man-smelts, but ol’ Citrus really took the taco! Citrus was getting the crap beat out of him/her/it before I even got here, but his/her/its amazing acts of tardery were legendary. Ooo, for want of a bat with a nail in it!

/cut to show Others wandering the WTOTD studio, drinking a bottle of Chivas Regal and shouting something like, “Where’s retardsoftnut’s mom? Why am I not drunker-er yet?”.

Heh, heh, heh. Good to see Others in standard form! Speaking of rebrandsoftware, I hear he's now selling some software called "Please Stop Banging My Mom, 2.0". Unfortunately, we couldn't find the footage for him, as I hear it's been deemed hazardous material. Glad to hear he's doing okay, as he provided the WTOTD audience with much amusement at his expense. And now, Stumblers and Stumblettes, lemme bring out our first guest! The one; the only; audit!!!!!

/w00ting from audience. Empty beer cans fly on stage. Shouts of “GIT-R-DONE, audit!” abound. "Flirtin' With Disaster" by Molly Hatchet plays.

So, audit, welcome to the show! Tell me, what is your fondest tard-bashing memory, other than that one that involved the wood chipper and a pasta strainer?
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Postby The Others » Sat Jan 01, 2005 6:56 am

It's New Years day, The Others is finding it hard to function. The resulting text is more truthful than I would like to admit.

/Looking hungover and feeling like crap, The Others wanders on stage wearing the clothes he slept in last night. Still unsure how he got off that island, into that bed and back home this morning, The Others is ready for little; holding in one hand an empty McDonalds coke and feeling awkward because his left hand has nothing to hold onto. Stepping up to the radio mike pinned onto his shirt, The Others begins to communicate with the world:

It's lovely to be here people, on the first of January. Whos idea was that? I'm finding this hard. Bad things happened last night, bad things on CCTV. But, I should be getting abck to the topic at hand.

This is a wonderful event and I'd like to thank the drunken rabble that make the audience what it is. I'd also like to thank Monitr7 for paying me to be here, everyone needs to get some booze money some how and my underground trade of worker monkeys is is starting to slow down.

/The Others releases one of the little monkey bastards towards the Tard holding area. The shop had run out of the cool outfit that Monitr7's monkey wears, so it goes in his birthday suite. The only way for a monkey to be. Named Tony, the monkey craps near the Tards, then returns to The Others with half a pint of ether and a salt shaker.

I'd like to talk of the spirit of the Tard; it's that season after all. I can't do anything now though, I need to waken myself up some. Coffee, then booze, then tards. We probably need a commercial break or something corporate now anyway. Bastards.

/The Others starts muttering about money and shit like that and slumps off stage. Not even Tony's japes can cheer him. The audience is left wondering what they've paid for. A glimmer of hope remains and they know they're in for a treat...
all good ends all

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Postby audit » Sat Jan 01, 2005 7:29 am

Monitr7 wrote:/w00ting from audience. Empty beer cans fly on stage. Shouts of “GIT-R-DONE, audit!” abound. "Flirtin' With Disaster" by Molly Hatchet plays.

So, audit, welcome to the show! Tell me, what is your fondest tard-bashing memory, other than that one that involved the wood chipper and a pasta strainer?



/Can't remember his fondest tard-bashing but like Chris says, if you want to know what a flame is, search for username audit and 75% of the results will be some kind of a flame.

/Is still recovering from the annual redneck new years eve party and is a little slow this morning.
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Postby King_Ice_Flash » Sat Jan 01, 2005 9:56 am

*Sneaks on stage before G8tK33per*
*TAP TAP TAP* Is this thing on?
Figures... I just got the envelope in the mail. I was not nominated... So I wasn't invited. Apparently, my quantity of flames/post was too low.
*Runs off the stage, grabs a keg, makes a b-line for the door, but is pounded to the ground by the bouncer at the door, like the robber in “Ocean’s Eleven.”*
"Yeah," said a voice from under the table, "you go to pieces so fast people get hit by the shrapnel."
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Postby Monitr7 » Sat Jan 01, 2005 3:18 pm

/shouts at the bouncers to stop pounding King. offers King a GOOtini an hopes he doesn't sue.

Hey, hey! King_Ice_Flash, everyone! Always good for the run-in! Y'know, we didn't actually do up a list of expected guests, as hangovers during a show are a real bitch, so we never know who's going to be on! But, hey, that's pretty much par for the course! Hang around King, it's bound to get better!

Others, thanks for coming in, especially in your condition. You and your monkey are always welcome! I'm sure you'll be in better shape later in the program!

/laughter about the monkey. double entendres ensue.

What the? Oh, no, you dumbasses! I meant Tony the monkey! morons Anyway, on to the next clip! Roll the footage, Ralfus!

My god, I'd thought we'd lost that one. Truly one of the best WTOTD shows we ever did! The mayhem! The humor! The mother of rebrandsoftware! What else could you ask for, people? Am I right?!

/stun guns being thrown on stage, as well as various adult novelties. where the hell are they getting this stuff?
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Postby audit » Sat Jan 01, 2005 3:23 pm

Monitr7 wrote:/stun guns being thrown on stage, as well as various adult novelties. where the hell are they getting this stuff?


/grabs his toys and slaps the monkeys for touching his stuff.
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Postby King_Ice_Flash » Sat Jan 01, 2005 3:39 pm

Monitr7 wrote:/shouts at the bouncers to stop pounding King. offers King a GOOtini an hopes he doesn't sue.

BRAIN FREEZE! What did you put in this thing, LIQUID NITROGEN?
EDIT: Forgot, Safety First
"Yeah," said a voice from under the table, "you go to pieces so fast people get hit by the shrapnel."
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Postby Monitr7 » Sat Jan 01, 2005 4:01 pm

King_Ice_Flash wrote:BRAIN FREEZE! What did you put in this thing, LIQUID NITROGEN?
EDIT: Forgot, Safety First


Nope! We use... uh... GOO. I don't know what's in it, but drink up!

audit! Stop spaking the monkies and leave some of those "Traci Lords Pocket Pussies" for me, would ya?! Good pun, eh?

/looks at audience.

Double-entendre THAT, fuckers!

/much laughter and joyfulness from the audience. they appreciate the abuse. crazy bastards.

Okay, where the hell's The Others? Let's get our roving WTOTD Others cam to go find out!

/WOTODOC finds Others with a fifth of Glenlivet and Tony the monkey. Both are already piss drunk.

Uh-huh. Anyone else noticing a trend here?

Given, this next clip wasn't really a show, but the WTOTD presence was definitely felt! Check out the guest appearances by Chris, Dutch, and Redman247. Go to the next clip, Ralfus!

/whispering to M7 from the stage stooge

What? Ralfus quit? Over what? A hooker? Well what the hell are we supposed to pay him with? Money? So what's the new guy's name? Bart? That won't work]Take it away, Ralfus![/URL]
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Postby King_Ice_Flash » Sat Jan 01, 2005 4:19 pm

Monitr7 wrote:Nope! We use... uh... GOO. I don't know what's in it, but drink up![/URL]

Good shit, huh? It's good for two things: degreasing engines
and killing brain cells.
"Yeah," said a voice from under the table, "you go to pieces so fast people get hit by the shrapnel."
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Postby Monitr7 » Sat Jan 01, 2005 5:36 pm

Holyshitholyshitholyshit! I... I... just can't belive it! This is too much! People, we have here, in our forum, our first WarTard suicide ever!!!

/mass w00ting. bras and panties thrown up in the air. a smallish sheep gets tossed on stage. the fans are way too kind.

This is great! No; this knuckleheaded waste of genetic material was never in the show, but it's fucknuts like this who make life worth living! Roll that beautiful tard footage, Ralfus!

/knocks back an entire fifth of everclear for sense of purpose

So, folks, if you're a tard like this plebeian man-smelt, do us a favor and kill yourself! Thanks much to beakmyn for the heads-up, and Dutch for the run-in on ol' Skidmark! On with the show!

/hears noises from stage left. probably a rabid fan, or Others with one of our beautiful midgets.

Uh... what the fuck? Good god! It's Citrus!

/checks batteries in "Heavy Duty Holy Shit Tard-Stopping Stun Gun", from WTOTD Industries. Of course.

Citrus wrote:Hey, you know I really take offense to all this crap you guys are putting out. I mean, yes, I know I'm not the most proficient person with WiFi. Or networking. Or breathing and walking at the same time. But, I'm still a person with real feelings. You guys are so totally mean that...


/me pepper sprays Citrus. zaps in the nads with the HDHSTSSG. throws Citrus to the audience, who quickly pummel him with garbage cans, bats, small children and weasels

Talk about exciting and interactive entertainment! Hey, let's bring King back out and see what his latest tard-wrangling adventure was like! Whaddaya say, people?!

/shouts of "King, King, King" ensue. a groundhog with a "rebrandsoftware is my dad" sign is thrown up on stage. huh; never seen that before.
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Postby Dutch » Sat Jan 01, 2005 5:49 pm

audit wrote:/grabs his toys and slaps the monkeys for touching his stuff.

/me wonders which monkey audit slaps... :eek:

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Postby The Others » Sat Jan 01, 2005 6:03 pm

/Ducking and driving through the flying debris of citrus' life The Others returns to stage. Pissed.

Hey Ralf roll one of the good days fisisms, you knows, Citrus, the kid with the orangy something and a lack of something elser.

/Ralf puts the tape in the machine.

Yeah, citrus can FAUC off, and so can the rest of yous. I got me rebrandsoftwares mother and he called me a mother fu... Well, let's not dwell on what he called me, but... I plan to prove him right.

/The Others finishes the pint he's drinking. Being British, The Others drinks proper drinks in proper measures.

So I said to someone, I said,

"If you come over here, doing something and there's seven of you",

I know because I counted,

"and you point that fucking, well, I don't know why there's seven of you. But, my monkey, Tony, he'll help me out. 'Cause I love that little monkey, and Citrus, I just wanted to help him, or something. Those were the days when tards weren't the commercial gain they are today, oh no; they were in it for the tardness. No laws got broke neither"

So that's what I said to all them barsarrds, and they said I couldn't do tards, and I said I could, but, they said I caldn't and I'd forgotten what they said I could do, or whatever, and got confused. Then the war with Japan started, but, I'd just dreamt that.

/The Others rests against a hat stand thrown in from the audience. To stage left, the program makers are making the cut sign; you know, that jaggy hand motion to the neck. Tony runs into the audience and de-clothes some young women. He's a well trained monkey. The Others, man of fame and mystery, picks up stolensoftwares mother under the arms and looks for the green room. Moments later he returns to the stage: The studio's different from the last one and he'd gone the wrong way. The audience wishes he hadn't taken his trousers off.
all good ends all

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Postby The Others » Sat Jan 01, 2005 6:28 pm

/The Others whispers to M7 that we now have a suitable trophy to be given to any deserving war tards. It's kind of like the Oscars, but more shitter and less concerned with the trappings of excessive living; dresses, shoes and hair
all good ends all

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Postby sparafina » Sat Jan 01, 2005 6:56 pm

/sparafina jumps up and yells "Hast thou forsaken tradition ?" Sacrilege! Sacrilege!

Follow the one true antenna of the Church of WiFi!
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Postby Monitr7 » Sat Jan 01, 2005 7:41 pm

Nice to see that Others has rejoined us; drunker than ever and with a monkey to boot! Now, if I can only make out what the hell he's saying.

/swigs a bottle of absinthe

Oh, it all makes sense now! Plus, mad props for Tony the Wonder Monkey!

/yet another fit of w00ting, joined this time by some wiseakers doing bad monkey impressions. it would've been okay if they hadn't started throwing shit.

Others and sparafina, those awards were simply out-fuckin'-standing! How's about we use Others' for the award, and the dildo antenna for basic malicious mischief against newly-spawned tards? No, not you, bobbe. You walking rectal cavity! Speaking of which, here's blowme's latest, and might I add finest, piece of what I like to call "that special kind of stupid". Roll tape, Rimjob, I mean, Ralfus!

/notes that the link doesn't work. embarassed, me thinks of ways to stall until the rest of the WTOTD crew gets here. starts juggling antennas, chainsaws, and refriedsoftpretzel's mother's IUD.
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